


my heart was breaking and got left unlocked

by starlitren



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, I just love them, Idiots in Love, M/M, but like? soft angst?, just two oblivious gays, there’s yungi.....if you squint rly hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:35:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23724691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlitren/pseuds/starlitren
Summary: Yeosang runs, ignores, hurts after Seonghwa. Seonghwa tries to understand what did he do wrong. Nothing comes up. So, why?
Relationships: Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	my heart was breaking and got left unlocked

**Author's Note:**

> kdkdjdjdkx welcome to my first ateez fic! tbh this was an old wip, i only changed the characters names, and some v stupid mistakes plus wrote an ending ;-;  
> i hope you guys like it!! it’s been a while

For a while now they had been sleeping in the same bed. Yeosang has been coming over Seonghwa’s place for quite some time already. It wasn’t an “official” thing, seeing as they both still had separate apartments. It had just become somewhat common place after a few times of dozing off together, and staying where they were until morning. They loved to cuddle, to watch movies, to order junk food and just enjoy the company of the other.

But a last few times, no matter how much Yeosang loved that time spent together, he also dreaded them. One of the reasons sleeping over became one of his least favourite routines was because his feeling for his hyung only grew and grew, but he had less and less hope.

Usually they would fall asleep together around the same time, while watching the TV, under the same blanket, usually with Seonghwa’s black poodle Oreo laying on top of them, or in between the two. This night Yeosang stayed awake. Thinking.

Seonghwa dozed off a few minutes ago, and various kind of things filled Yeosang’s mind. He was worried. Worried that the other would leave him one day. Because he will find someone to whom he was willing to give his days and nights. Someone he will fall in love with. And the boy was so, so afraid. Cause deeply down he knew that to the older he was nothing but a close friend, somebody he will only see as a younger brother. And for few weeks already Yeosang was thinking about stopping. Stopping with coming overs. Stopping with the hang outs and sleepovers. Stopping seeing each other basically every day. About stopping being friends.

He fell so hard for the black haired uni junior, and at that moment the pain after the fall was pleasant, pleasurable, but now it was secretly killing him second by second. He couldn’t take it anymore, it became too much.

And then, something went through his mind. Maybe he should use the opportunity now and leave. A loud gulp could’ve been heard coming from Yeosang’s throat. It will hurt less if he pulls the bandage off now, he tried to convince himself. 

It took him a while. To him it felt like hours, days. And he finally got up. He put the blanket off of him, and tucked Seonghwa in. He had to move his head that laid on Yeosang’s shoulder. He slept silently and peacefully. Tears almost formed in his eyes.

Putting on his shoes, pulling on a coat, and closing that familiar door of the apartment was the hardest thing he did in quite a while. But he was just trying to help himself, to help out his poor heart.

Slowly walking home he remembered the moment when Seonghwa told him about a person he likes. Well, Yeosang did ask and was very persuasive. So the older had to answer. But the younger realised the question was now one of his many mistakes.

He recalled how the model looked while answering. The famous bright smile, his whole being shined.

“Oh, Yeosangie, he’s so pretty. Dark brown hair. Deep dark chocolate eyes that sparkled every time he smiled, and he does that a lot. And I get lost in them all the time. I just can’t help it.” And it felt like someone stabbed his heart with a sharp knife. He wanted to cry, to run away, but he only faked a smile and said “I’m happy for you, hyung. I really am.”

He came home tired, exhausted actually, and sad. So, so deeply sad. He knew that by leaving like this, Seonghwa would realise something is off. He promised himself that from tomorrow he’ll try to avoid Seonghwa as much as he could, to try and ignore him. Because the feelings are only causing him pain he got so sick off.

Yeosang went to bed right away, only changing his clothes to pyjamas. He laid down silently, his tears staining the pillow.

* * *

It was so early in the morning, sun was just about to rise when Seonghwa woke up. He grabbed his phone and saw it was only 6:30. He felt groggy and very sleepy and he didn’t notice right away that someone next to him was missing. It took him few seconds to acknowledge that Yeosang was not there.

He hastily got up from the couch and went to check every room to see if maybe he was not awake already and preparing breakfast, which he loved to do, or in the bathroom doing his routine, or just chilling in Seonghwa’s bedroom, trying out all the oversized hoodies he has (it kills Seonghwa very time, cause he is just so cute in them (he also stole a few, but no one’s complaining)), but he realised that, after searching the whole apartment up and down, for the first time, Yeosang left while he was asleep.

He gulped. This has never happened before. His eyes scattered through the room, looking for something, anything. Mostly any sings and pieces of paper cause he really hoped Yeosang maybe left a message.

Seonghwa got so used to waking up beside him. Always his hands around Yeosang’s waist, his head in the crook of his neck, scenting that so familiar mix of a man’s perfume and body soap with a smell of cocoa. In other words, his safe haven.

He also kept checking his phone, hoping to see if he left any texts or calls, but nothing. He then remembered it was still early, and Yeosang was most probably sleeping, but this time without him. It hurt. Like someone was breaking tiny pieces of his heart.

Seonghwa came back to his couch and the blanket both of them shared every single night, soaked with both of their scents, but he couldn’t fall back to sleep, his mind was running faster than 100 kilometres per hour. A whole day was in front of him. A day off that he took for Yeosang, specifically because he was hoping they would be spending it together. He wanted to take him out for a lunch and go to the cinema to see that new movie Yeosang pleaded him to watch together. A date, he thought, but only in his imagination.

_ I’ll try to call him later, maybe he had some things to do. _ That thought didn’t calm his mind, not even a bit.

He tried to come up with reasons, excuses why would Yeosang do this, because it never happened before and Seonghwa didn’t know how to deal with it. It was like a silent deal between the two, not to go home, leave someone alone, while they’re sleeping. So, he was hurt.  But deep down he knew that whatever he tried to come up with as a reason for Yeosang’s leaving was not what really happened.

Seonghwa got so used to waking up to him, it became a habit that he really was fond of. He made him calm, and from some perspective needy and clingy. Which Seonghwa didn’t mind at first, but now that he was not there in a morning for him to hug his Sasa (how he liked to call him privately), his arms constantly ended up in the air with nothing to get a hold of. Not even Oreo was home, since he gave him to Hongjoong just a day before so he could have this day all planned out. So, he had no one to hug in this moment, or cuddle, and he hated it.

* * *

It was by now 1pm and Yeosang was not picking up his phone which made Seonghwa very, very much worried since he probably left around 20 missed calls and maybe 50 messages. His brain was coming up with worst possible scenarios and he had to contact San to see if maybe he knew what was going on.

It ended with his best friend sending a text to which he got an immediate response, telling him Yeosang was at his work and he can come if he wants to. But not one mention of poor boy who was waiting to get an answer from him. It made San think something probably happened between the two, since the younger was always first to talk about the older whenever he could.  Seonghwa’s heart felt like another piece of it broke, because this never happened.

Yeosang would always answer the calls or text him saying he’s busy when he can’t pick up. Every night he came over and they had said sleepovers which were going on for few months already. Seonghwa knew that his feelings just kept growing steadily, so one day when the younger asked him did he have a crush and if he did how do they look like, he choked on his water and tried his best to explain Yeosangs looks without being too obvious, secretly hoping his SaSa guessed who he talked about, but after only seeing a soft smile on his beautiful face, he couldn’t even assume did he find out or didn’t. And after that crushes were never mentioned again.

* * *

5pm has passed a few minutes ago and Yeosang was finishing his shift for today, ready to close the ice cream shop since it was Sunday and they worked less on that day. He changed his clothes and locked the store, meanwhile checking his phone. He saw 20 missed calls and around 50 messages from Seonghwa. Those were still there since the moment San texted him.

He sighed. He didn’t want to do this, but if he ignored the older boy, if he stopped seeing him, he hoped his crush would pass after some time and it wouldn’t hurt when one day he saw Seonghwa happy with someone else. But Yeosang already knew he would always wish it was him next to his side, and not someone unknown to him with sparkly deep chocolate eyes.

Now he just needed to learn, needed to get used to the new schedule of his upcoming days.

* * *

Monday could not possibly come slower than it ever did and pass slower than it ever did. Today both of them had college and Yeosang did everything in his power to avoid the black haired boy on campus and for now it was working. But only half of his classes went by and it became harder whenever he spotted Seonghwa to turn to the other side and not come under his radar, but he was pretty certain San noticed him more than once trying to get away.

Luckily for Yeosang, he succeeded in his task for this day and was about to enter his favourite café that was near campus, when through the window he saw the older sitting with someone that accurately resembled Seonghwa’s explanation of his crush. He gulped, to swallow away the tears that were slowly forming in his eyes cause he saw them laughing, he saw him being happy with somebody who was not him. And like he had a glass around his heart, it broke and tiny pieces were stabbing everywhere.

He just ran home.

* * *

A week had gone already, but for Seonghwa, it had been the most painful thing he could go through. Getting used to Yeosang not being around was much harder than he thought. He missed his presence the most every time 6pm came around and until he left for college or for work in the morning. He wanted to contact the pretty dance major every second of the day, but San told him how he ran to the other side every time he saw Seonghwa anywhere close on the campus.

Seonghwa couldn’t think of a single reason Yeosang would want to stay away from him when every time he was the first to literally jump on him and hug him until he would stop breathing. He loved his hugs, he lived just on the attention he would be getting from him. He always told himself that it was like a food for his soul. And he soul is so starved now, he just hoped that it wouldn’t die.

Few days ago he met up with a childhood friend of his, Yunho. They haven’t seen each other properly since Seonghwa graduated high school and they had so much to catch up. The boy was in a relationship for years with his boyfriend from sophomore year, Song Mingi. He proposed on their anniversary, which was a month ago, and Yunho was showing off his ring proudly and saying to anticipate a wedding invitation soon. They were still in college, but they already planned to get married when summer comes, and now it was close to December. When they were getting ready to leave the café, Yunho confronted Seonghwa.

“I hope, hyung, you find someone soon,” black haired male sighed. “You deserve it more than any of us do.” Seonghwa could only silently agree.

* * *

Busy days haven’t allowed Seonghwa to think much about the dancer, but today was his day off and, boy, he was drunk on thoughts of Yeosang. All the coping mechanisms went off and he couldn’t stop the hurt, the pain, nor the tears that went down his face. He didn’t want them to fall, but they simply did. 

He tried so much and so hard to find in his mind what he did wrong. He put all the guilt on himself, but he couldn’t come up with anything that could be the reason of Yeosang’s leaving him like that. Worst of all, he kept remembering how they met, when the sleepovers at his place begun and how his chest were filled with so much happiness when the other was around him. And that was almost always.

He buried himself under the special blanket on his couch, staring at the TV but not paying any attention to it, all kinds of junk food and garbage around him, but Seonghwa just couldn’t make himself move and clean up. His body felt deprived of sleep since his eyes didn’t fall shut before 4am and right now it was only around 10. He slept for 3 to 4 hours. San would rip his head off, but luckily they stopped living together a year ago.

He checked his phone, when a notification popped up, saying Yeosang posted a picture on his instagram account. He immediately pressed it, but when it opened up he regretted his fastened decision. It showed a short, cute girl in a lap of the dancer, and a big smile plastered on his face. It made the biggest hole in his heart and this time the tears couldn’t be stopped, yet again.

* * *

Half of the day passed in a blink to Yeosang, for the first time in so long. He hanged out with some of his friends and even posted a picture on his instagram, but what slowed down everything, was those two notifications. One was a like and one a comment. Both from Seonghwa. He gulped, his heart thumping fast. The anxiety almost ate him out, but he pressed to see what he wrote.

@parkmars: wish you all the best SaSa

He wished to scream, to be angry at him. To yell “I’m only yours, can’t you see!?” to his face. To sprint to his apartment. To hit him. To hug him. To never let him go. But he was the one who left in the first place and he knew that. And it caused pain anywhere he was able to feel it. But he didn’t care. He needed to do something or he would break down.

And again, he ran. But now, to one place that truly felt like home.

* * *

Out of breath, his lungs pleaded him to just stop for a minute. He couldn’t. No. Because if he did, even for a short second, he would change his mind. And he wouldn’t allow himself. No. Not now, when he was ready to confess everything, to throw all his cards on the table, even if it left him with a heavy, broken heart in his palms that will take time to mend back.

Barely catching any air, he knocked on the door. The ones he would just open, burst inside and jump on the comfy couch but now he couldn’t do it.

Seonghwa heard a knock, thinking it was probably San and just turned to the other side, bathing in his sorrow and sadness like he was doing the whole day. He knew it was wrong to leave that stupid comment, but wasn’t able to stop himself from typing and pressing that goddamned post button.

Readying himself to get back to bed, he almost missed the soft “Seonghwa hyung, please open, it’s your SaSa, I know you’re inside”. Breath hitched in his throat. He assumed he was dreaming or hallucinating from all the lost sleep. But he got up. And with a trembling hand unlocked the door and opened them. In front of them really stood Yeosang. He didn’t even get a brief second to properly look at him when all of a sudden his body was fully under the hug of the boy.

It took the older by a surprise, but fast enough he embraced him back, and right next to his ear he heard sobs. His SaSa was crying, and his heart still worked like it was under attack. He had short few moments to process what the hell happened. But, did it feel good to feel him again.

Seonghwa tightened his arms around the dancer, scared that he would maybe decide he shouldn’t have done this, that he made a mistake.

He carried them to his couch, Yeosang’s arms still strong around him, but now he was placed in Seonghwa’s lap, his head hidden at the crook of the older’s neck, enjoying the warmth his whole body gave off. He snuggled in, his sobs becoming only soft hiccups until he completely calmed down. 

Seonghwa was still in shock, silently holding the boy in his arms and mayhaps waiting for some answers. Yeosang lifted his head, teary-eyed but determined. He looked Seonghwa straight into his eyes. 

“Hyung, I came to tell you something,” he started. “Please don’t stop me, because I won’t be able to say what I wanted to.” Seonghwa could only nod. “I- I know you certainly don’t feel the same, but after that comment you left, I had to confess to you, whatever the end may be. I like you- no, screw that, I LOVE you. I’ve been in love with you this whole time. And I know, okay, I know. You will say that you’re sorry, you will reject me in the nicest way possible cause that’s you, but–”

Seonghwa stopped him. But not with his voice, sounds, words, rather, with his actions. He grabbed Yeosang’s face, kissing him, pouring all his feelings into this one moment. Yeosang’s body went into complete  _ shock _ , mind trying to catch up with whatever was happening. But then, he closed his eyes and simply gave in.

Seonghwa’s lips were soft. Pillowy and perfect and he tasted like chips, Yeosang licking the salt off of his lips. Parting, they both panted, catching their breaths. “This is one time I will not apologise for interrupting you, SaSa.” Yeosang giggled.

“I have been in love with you longer than I ever realised, SaSa,” Seonghwa looked at him softly. “When you avoided me, I thought you finally found someone better than me.”

“Never, hyung. There will never be someone better than you,” and Yeosang kissed him. “I was afraid YOU will find someone and get rid of me. I guess we were both stupid.”

Seonghwa smiled. “Looks like your little stunt gave us both something,  _ boyfriend, _ ” Yeosang blushed wildly. 

“Can I stay over, hyung?”

“Don’t dare to ask me that ever again.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to, my ateez twt is @hwanymph <3


End file.
